I AM 66 YEARS OLD!!!! When do I stop feeling like a child? I have raised a family of five children. I am the grand mother of eleven grand children. I have a handful of really good friends who would do just about anything for me. The people I work with think I'm strong, smart and determined. Why then, do I let myself be trampled on by the people who have been in my life longer than anyone else? By this I mean my original family, my mother, brother and sister.
When does family stop caring about each other? When I was at home, I felt I could argue and fuss with my siblings and by the end of the day everything would be forgotten. I would never have dreamed of disrespecting my mother or dad by back talking or doing anything that would upset them. Being the oldest girl in my family, I have always tried to be the peace maker and a try to pull everyone together. I always felt protective of my younger siblings and being fifteen years older than my sister, I was like a mother figure. I use to take my brother with me every where I went. He was seven years younger than me so this was not always cool when I was 18 and he was 11. Somewhere along the line everyone grew up and older and forgot what it means to still be a family.
My dad died 18 years ago and it has been a down hill slide since. I have tried to help my mother, but I have found the more you do the less you are appreciated. I have been screamed at, cussed at, accused of lying, stealing, cheating and berated by all of my original family. I am in a constant state of confusion and depression, feeling that maybe there is something I can do to change the situation, but apparently not.
I know that this may sound heartless to some, but I have to walk away from the situation. I cannot live without a feeling of peace in my heart and mind. I know this sounds like a really weird thing to blog about, but I have felt the need put my feelings into words. I want to feel like an adult and not A cowering child afraid to speak up for and defend myself.
3 comments:
I really relate. Good luck.
I am pretty sure it is time to forgive them for their actions and then cut their poisonous ties. You can move on with peace about the situation and they can continue to do exactly as they are doing. I can't imagine how it feels as I never expect that to happen to our own family but I am sure you never expected it to happen to yours. At least we have a bird's eye view of the craziness that greed, envy and just pure meaness can cause.
I can only imagine they harbor such feelings towards you and your actions because if they were in your situation they know the rotten things they would do. You and daddy are far above all that. They must be lacking something in their lives if they feel the need to make everyone elses' a living hell.
Just now reading this and sorry I didn't see it when you posted. Sarah is very wise. Forgive and move forward. As you and Daddy grow older together, know that you are loved and respected by your children and grandchildren. You have wonderful friends who love you as well. Live your life in peace and happiness and leave the hurtful things in the past. Can't wait to come home and spend time with you soon. Love Sondra.
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