I AM 66 YEARS OLD!!!! When do I stop feeling like a child? I have raised a family of five children. I am the grand mother of eleven grand children. I have a handful of really good friends who would do just about anything for me. The people I work with think I'm strong, smart and determined. Why then, do I let myself be trampled on by the people who have been in my life longer than anyone else? By this I mean my original family, my mother, brother and sister.
When does family stop caring about each other? When I was at home, I felt I could argue and fuss with my siblings and by the end of the day everything would be forgotten. I would never have dreamed of disrespecting my mother or dad by back talking or doing anything that would upset them. Being the oldest girl in my family, I have always tried to be the peace maker and a try to pull everyone together. I always felt protective of my younger siblings and being fifteen years older than my sister, I was like a mother figure. I use to take my brother with me every where I went. He was seven years younger than me so this was not always cool when I was 18 and he was 11. Somewhere along the line everyone grew up and older and forgot what it means to still be a family.
My dad died 18 years ago and it has been a down hill slide since. I have tried to help my mother, but I have found the more you do the less you are appreciated. I have been screamed at, cussed at, accused of lying, stealing, cheating and berated by all of my original family. I am in a constant state of confusion and depression, feeling that maybe there is something I can do to change the situation, but apparently not.
I know that this may sound heartless to some, but I have to walk away from the situation. I cannot live without a feeling of peace in my heart and mind. I know this sounds like a really weird thing to blog about, but I have felt the need put my feelings into words. I want to feel like an adult and not A cowering child afraid to speak up for and defend myself.
